I’ve been feeling sad the last days, may be the winter energy hitting me and my system. I have a problem with the dark and the cold. Though there is something in it that attracts me as well. The dark and the cold… I’ve been neglecting my sadness, I’ve been trying to focus on my daily things to be done and not holding space for my sadness. This morning I woke up and finally I could not neglect it any more, I would have gone into a mild winter depression or hold space for my sadness and transform it into something else.

When ever I feel disconnected from myself and my emotions, usually 5 rhythms is my medicine, so I just started playing Gabrielle Roth’s play list for my morning dance. Yea! That was the moment my body was surrendering and letting myself into my sadness… The moment of chaos… When I was dancing into the chaos, my body was shivering, I was feeling goosebumps, and I was surrendering to the chaos… My body was moving in chaos, in the unknown, I was fearing of the unknown, then I realised how little space I have in my life for chaos. I constantly try to organise, structure, plan and try to have an understanding about my next steps in life… Yet I acknowledge the fact that it’s only possible to an extend…

Chaos… I was dancing in chaos and surrendering to the feeling of unknown and I was getting in touch with my sadness. I’m sad for no reason… I’m only sad because of my spoilt existential issues. I surrender… I surrender to the chaos and create space for it in my system. It’s okay to be sad, I have space for sadness. And I see that it’s not for no reason. There is climate change, people are killing each other, there is forced migration, animals are being tortured as well so there is actually a lot of pain and sadness on earth. My sadness is not for no reason. But hey, the only thing I can do is holding space for this sadness… Acknowledging and working on solutions from that self-care point of view. 

Transformation… It’s not about sitting at home and being sad… It’s about transforming that feeling into action. And that differs from person to person. We are all part of a huge organism, what ever one does influences the other one’s wellbeing. And I can only be responsible for my own actions. When I’m not dealing with my own emotions, thoughts, feelings and impulses which means in my understanding being present for the self; it’s hard to be present for our surrounding. Yet all emotions are involved in this game… Sadness is welcome as well as happiness; it’s not something we should ignore and constantly seek for happiness. It’s just a matter of holding space for wide range of emotions and transforming them. I think every action we get into is political, our stance in life, the way we do things and so on… So let’s get political and let’s get in action!

Since that day I started writing my insights, few days passed and now I can feel how my sadness has been transforming and letting it’s place for other experiences to emerge… I’m once again acknowledging how important it is to hold space for any kind of emotion doesn’t matter dark or bright… I’m curious to hear your experiences with chaos towards the end of another year and how you deal with it…

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